(Or perhaps I should call you a metrosexual. Yes, I know the term was coined in the early 2000s, but the effects of the trend have had permanent ramifications on our hyper materialistic society.)

I see you over there with your skinny ties and grandpa sweaters.

I’ve noticed your dark skinny jeans and your faux tap shoes.

And even when you’ve worn red flannel, it was not to chop wood or do work outdoors. Instead itIt was to sip Old Fashions in some dive bar in the Marigny.

But here’s the thing: fuck old America’s constructs of masculinity. It is perfectly acceptable to harness your personal brand. You’ve got money to spend and you’re living in a modern day Metropolis (or at least in Mid-City New Orleans). Embrace your affinity for color- coordinated ensembles. Buy that new pair of Supras. And most of all, demand that your girlfriend step it up a notch… to at least match your new swag.

Justin Shiels