By: Nikki Randolph
At least I tried to put down the phone. I never realized how hard it would be to disconnect. Like most of you, I have a full time job, a Facebook and Twitter account, friends, and more apps than I would care to admit. I thought it would be both retro and nostalgic to give up my phone for a week and return to the simpler time in my life when I didn’t have a phone attached to my ear. Life would be peaceful and I could really enjoy all of the things I neglect. I decided the first thing I should do was to inform some of the people that are accustomed to reaching me through my phone. Of course, I used said phone to contact them. Of course it was by text, because like most of the human race I have lost the ability to communicate verbally. I also believe that spelling is irrelevant and I can use characters and symbols to get my point across. After reaching out to 5 of my closest friends I realized that this task might be harder than I anticipated.
First, I’ll admit my friends were just unsupportive. Then I began to think they were assholes. Then I learned that friends enjoy mocking you when they don’t understand your motives or believe you. Typical recap of a conversation between myself and a friend (this was over drinks, not by text, but just to be clear, you can have drinks over Facetime.)
Me: I am turning off my phone for a week. You can only talk to me in person. I need to get off the grid.
Friend: Hysterical laughter. Pauses. More hysterical laughter. The Grid? Are you part of the Matrix now? You check Facebook every 5 minutes, you freak. You won’t last an hour. I will just text you later.
Me: No, really. You can’t text me. Come by my house if you need me. I am turning off my phone in the morning. No Facebook for a week.
Friend: Whatever - You are too much of a narcissist to do this. You need people to like your status daily to feel like a whole person.
Me: Shut up. People find what I say interesting. I am profound.
Friend: Laughing again. We all LOVE those sleeping dog photos. You are a moron.
See what I mean, no one was taking me seriously, not even my closest friends. Next I needed to tell my mom. She is used to calling me and not getting a response for 3 days, but a week might be pushing it. She seemed to be supportive, until she told me that our ongoing Words with Friends game is the highlight of her day, and she would be sad to not play for a week. I tried to explain she could refocus her attention on my dad, or maybe my nephew, but she seemed pretty focused on that stupid game. I ended up muttering something about maybe, possibly just getting on my phone for a few minutes a day to play my word, but I didn’t commit.
This failure caused me to take it to another level. I had to tell my boss I was going off the grid. I knew he would understand as he talks about the importance of priorities and focus. I called him to tell him I needed to take a break from my phone for a week for an article I was writing. I told him I spend too much time on the phone, and even my grandmother was worried I might get brain cancer from my phone. This should have elicited sympathy and understanding. Instead, all I got was sarcasm and vague threats such as he better not need anything from me during that week, and if I thought I was a writer, perhaps I should go do that for a living.
I hung up with him and looked down at my phone. It was a Friday. I thought that I can do this. I can turn it off. I held down the button on top and swiped the screen to turn it off. I was sure. I could make it a week without a phone.
Day 1 : Woke up and tried to check Facebook. Phone was off, and I remembered my pledge to give up phone. Wondered what my friends were doing. Wondered what Ice and Coco were up to. Did my mom find a good word? Broke out into sweats. Became obsessed with not turning on the phone. Ended up having to pay my neighbor to hide the phone in her house.
Day 2: Knocked on my neighbor’s door and begged until she would at least turn on my phone and check my messages and Facebook for me. She would not give me phone, but she did turn it on and told me nothing interesting seemed to be happening. Knocked later on for update. She gave me phone back to get me off her porch (it isn’t cheating if I am not looking at it)
Day 3: Couldn’t take it anymore. Had to check FACEBOOK! Something interesting was happening and I was missing it. Tried to stop myself, tried to have discipline. FAILED.
I put down my smart phone for 3 days, but before you judge me, give it a shot and let me know how far you get.
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Nikki Randolph is a LSU grad with a degree in political science. By day, she is a minion to the man; by night, she is a Faulkner wannabe. You can follow her on twitter @nolajeepgirl
